The Genie Conventions
by Vampiremizuki
Summary: Being genies, Edward, Rosalie, Jasper and Esme are all in for a treat when they get assigned cases that they were emotionally unprepared for. How will they deal? They’re in for a very pleasant surprise. General Pairings. Full of laughs and twists.
1. Chapter 1

**The Genie Conventions**

**I've been contemplating on writing this story, non-twilight style, but I decided to twilight it. It's a funny, new, pleasantly hilarious fanfic for those who like different. **

**Enjoy.**

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**Prologue**

"Is there a reason why we have to do this every time we're done with an assignment?" Rosalie asked, impatiently rubbing her temples. She'd arrived here the earliest and waiting had become extremely unbearable.

"Yes, Rosalie." Edward replied, bored and clearly not at a place where he wanted to be. "Just think about the best assignment you've ever gotten."

"Edward, I'm expecting some reasoning. Is it to keep tabs or what?" She raised an eyebrow then furtively bit down on her lower lip, yelling at the top of her lungs.

_Overly dramatic sex-junkie. _Edward thought, sighing and retreating to his corner. "To make sure we don't fall in love with our—" He paused, not knowing what to say. They both knew what they were, essentially, but every time he said it, it just angered her more. "Clienteles."

"Edward, you've been inhaling in too much genie dust. Who in their right minds would fall in love with _those_ creatures?" She argued in disgust, her face showing clear repulsion. "By nature selfish, cruel, and ambitious creatures. I've not met one that wishes either to be powerful, to have money, to be famous or…" She sighed, sitting beside Edward in defeat. "Along those lines. They're controlling too."

_I'm no one to talk. I'd probably wish for something along those lines, too, if I was a mortal. _She thought, pulling up her legs and sitting Indian style, closing her eyes as if to meditate. Edward raised an eyebrow and watched her carefully.

He knew she'd forget it after a while. He also knew she always gets like this after a bad assignment. These meetings weren't just meant for keeping tabs. They were also a standard protocol, a sorts of therapy for us genies. She had it harder, he knew, because she had no special abilities to help her. He could read the minds of his assignments; it was easier to identify the bad assignments from the good to mentally prepare yourself.

"Sorry," She mumbled after a few minutes, then straightened her body out and sat in a normal stance. "Bad case."

"It happens." Edward agreed, keeping to himself. "What happened with your…"

She stopped him with her stare, then she sighed, "He used to me hurt her." Simple and blunt; she often got these types of cases, which made Edward angry. He and Rosalie always got assigned the most brutal cases.

"It happens." Edward whispered, shrugging, hoping she'd give him details. Genies, after all, only got to live through stories. Stories helped pass time until everyone got there.

She shook her head then sighed, relaxing. "A twenty-two year old boy; his name is Kevin. I don't know what happened. I guess the rush and feel of having such power at his control got to his head, whatever." She paused, turning to him. "It was a quick." Edward knew what she meant; the girl's death.

"What about your case, Edward?" She commented, looking at his face curiously.

He shook his head. "I got a nine-year old girl from Maine. Her three wishes were complicated, that's all."

She cocked her head to the side, curiously. "What did she wish for?"

Edward took a minute to ponder at what he'd say. Rosalie was an intent listener, always eager for details when it came to story-telling. "She wished for miracles, not wishes. Well, except for the last wish." He paused. "She wished for her mother back," His eyes were pitch black. He turned to face her, then ran his hand through his messy hair, "Her mother died. We have no say in death though, you know that. Her second wish was… to make me mortal. She wanted me to be her older brother, Rosalie." He sighed, shaking his head. "Third, she wished for her teddy-bear. That I _could_ give her. It was one she'd lost when she was four."

She smiled, then rolled her eyes. "Children are full of such innocence. They can be a little annoying sometimes though."

"Miss me?" Esme asked, walking in through her portal. She looked around and inspected the vast room, finding both Edward and Rosalie sitting in a tiny corner, solemnly. "We have to wait for Jasper so we can go to the assignment room. There's something about this white room that depresses me." She rushed over to Rosalie and Edward and pulled them into a loving embrace. "How do you guys feel?"

"Rosalie's angry that we have to meet after assignments and, honestly, I'm eager for my next assignment. How was yours?" Edward stood, walking side-by-side with Esme towards the middle of the room. Esme sat on a lime-green sofa, getting comfortable.

The four sofas were positioned facing each other in a square-pattern. Esme's lime-green sofa faced Jasper's purple sofa, while Edward's cerulean sofa faced Rosalie's crimson sofa. All of them were heavily decorated with matching pillows and cushions. Rosalie rushed to her sofa in a millisecond, not hesitant to using her incredible speed to her advantage.

"I've always loved this. Each of our sofas's are customized and personalized. Edward's is elegant and dark, mysterious. Rose's is passionate and sensuous. Jasper's is soothing and zealous, a soft and beautiful purple. Don't you all agree? Speaking of which, where is Jasper? I'm the last one to get here."

"No, that would be Jasper." Rosalie corrected, filing her nails.

Esme shook her head. "No, he's here. Jasper, honey, come out."

Edward raised an eyebrow then chuckled as Jasper suddenly appeared on his couch, grinning and wild-eyed with torn clothing.

"Edward, take a picture." Rosalie giggled.

"What happened?" Esme asked, her voice filled with concern.

Jasper chuckled, then sighed. "My last assignment ripped my clothes off. That woman was crazy. You'll see it in the recap."

Edward's POV

The recap; the first thing discussed as soon as we all got here. All of the best, worst, moving and exciting moments of all four of our assignments would be displayed on a huge screen for us to watch. We would be given tips and critiqued on our performances. If we got a perfect case, which rarely ever happens, we'd be given a reward; one week in the human world. Of course, we wouldn't be humans. We'd be the same, minus our granted powers. Of course, as a protocol, to stop us from getting too close to the humans, the need for their blood would be inflicted upon us.

It's worked.

"She really did a number on you," Rosalie inspected Jasper's healing scratches. In less than a minute, they were gone. "She was a savage! Aww, did the mean woman make poor wittle Jasper cwry?"

Jasper narrowed his eyes, pouting. "Get off my couch, woman."

Rosalie smacked Jasper across the head and pulled him into a sisterly embrace. "Is someone emotionally imbalanced today?" She grinned, trying desperately not to laugh.

Jasper tried to pull away without hurting her. "_You're_ emotionally imbalanced and I can feel it from you! Get off! You smell like pot and Italian whiskey!"

I raised an eyebrow. "So that's what it was."

Rosalie scoffed. "Don't encourage him!" She released Jasper violently and crawled over to the edge of his couch, then crouched and jumped onto hers, giggling as she landed on her knees with her wavy locks of blond hair messily pasted around her milky-pale face. Rosalie's always been the wild one of us four.

"Where's Aro?" Esme asked, looking around. Where is he? Usually he'd be here pestering us by now.

"Here, my darling Esme!" Aro spoke, high and stately. "Here I am!" He spoke again in his excited, pleasant-go-lucky tone.

"Ha-ha! Eww!" Rosalie screamed, giggling and wild. With sudden grace and perfect aiming, she threw her right high-heel at Aro. Sadly, he dodged the attack. He wasn't that lucky for the second and it hit him—

"Right in the crotch!" Rosalie exclaimed, laughing wildly. Everyone, in their own respect, laughed while Aro flinched, trying to recover from the harsh blow.

Rosalie stood up and rushed over to him, taking her shorts off and throwing them at him. "That's for giving me a rotten assignment, you prick, I smell like pot now!" She spat at the floor contemptuously and kicked Aro in the stomach before retreating back to her vibrant red couch.

She should know she's going to get another painstakingly disturbing case after we're done here.

"Rosalie!" Esme yelped, rushing over to Aro. Such a caring, kind soul. Well, she was always Aro's favorite. She was the nicest of us all, in comparison. "Oh, Rose! You know you're only going to regret hurting him." It wasn't a threat. We all knew what happened when we messed with our superior.

Rosalie scoffed. "No good deed ever goes unpunished." She squirmed in a corner of her couch, holding a vibrant, red, plush pillow in her arms, her long pale legs exposed.

"Take a picture, Edward." Rosalie mumbled, her fiery, red lips pulled into a wide grin.

"Don't flatter yourself." I joked, grinning. Rosalie was no doubt beautiful, but she wasn't for me. This is why we were all perfect as a team. We loved each other, with the exception of our superior, and respected each other under all circumstances, except for, once again, our superior. Speaking of which, he was struggling to get up.

"You can sit on my sofa, Aro," Esme helped him to her couch, being careful not to sit him down on the space closest to Rosalie. She loved Rosalie, but the faster he sits down, the faster we can move on to our next assignment. Esme feels she's helping people, being what we are, so she's always eager to start a new mission. "Rose, put your shorts back on, please dear?" Esme asked, smiling.

Rosalie grinned back sarcastically, shaking her head. "I don't want Jasper to feel left out, not having decent clothes on."

Aro sighed, finally recovered and able. "You all have no self respect," He stated, crossing his leg, one over the other.

"And you're gay! GGGAAAYYYY!" Rosalie mocked, trying to imitate his tone. Jasper chuckled, high-fiving Rosalie. I grinned and softly chuckled to myself.

"And you, Edward," He rolled his eyes, now turning to face me, "you the worst of them all. If not for Esme's sane presence, I think you would all kill me!"

"Give us some decent cases and we won't." Jasper replied, almost as if he'd asked a question. He was composed and ready. Now all we had to do was settle Rosalie down.

"Aro, you have to start giving Rose some more pleasant assignments if you want to keep your… your—"

"I'll castrate you." Rosalie finished, bluntly staring at her toenails.

Aro sighed. "Today, we're going to discuss quite a few things. After we're done with the recap and the Do's and the Don't's, we'll be discussing your behavior when you're set on vacation in the mortal world. I wish you would all just do what you're told!"

"I wish you would crawl over to a corner and die." Rosalie mocked, turning serious. "Can we go to the recap now?"

And with perpetual silence, we did. A giant four-sided screen appeared in the middle of our square formation.

"No popedcorn?" Rosalie asked, angrily.

I interjected, "It's 'popcorn'."

"Hush." Esme whispered. When the recap started, everyone was quiet. The first assignment to be recapped was Rosalie's. First, the positive points of her case were displayed:

"_Listen up, and listen good. I'm not your slave, I'm not going to help you take over the world, kill and or murder or bring anyone back to life. Is that clear?" Rosalie raised an eyebrow, staring at her glass lamp that resembled a star in the man's hands. _

"See, this was a positive point. You could have given him less attitude, but good." After Aro was done half-praising, half-criticizing Rosalie, the clip moved onto the bad points. There were a lot.

"_Do you think she loves me?" The man asked, staring at a very pissed-off Rosalie, standing on the edge of a tall, beautifully carved fountain in the middle of a College campus. _

"_No, she thinks you're disgusting. You repulse her and she knows you're stupid as hell." She replied back mockingly. _

"_Make me what she wants me to be; make her love me?" The man asked desperately, dropping his books to the ground._

"_One more rule, I can't make anyone fall in love with anyone. I can make you look different, but I can't change you indefinitely. I suppose I can make you look less hideous." _

It stopped. "This is bad. You don't go around telling your masters that they're repulsive. Why do you think it turned into a bad case?"

"He was a psychopath! He kept pictures of her in his bedroom and he killed her in the end!" She paused. "Why can't we make people fall in love?" She asked, hesitant. I was wondering about that too.

Aro pondered. "Well, I suppose the real reason behind it is that you can't make people love if you yourself have never fallen in love. None of you know what love is."

Rosalie gasped. "But I love Esme and Jasper and I love Edward a little too… I guess."

"You're not in love with Esme, at least I should hope not. My point proven. Let's move on, shall we?"

Rosalie's "Do's and Don't's" and tips were fairly the same as the first. _Don't intimidate or bring down your master. _

I was next in line.

"Edward, you did great, you really did, but promising her that you'd meet again was not only unethical, but against the rules!" Aro scoffed. "You are all terrible and always go out of your way to mess up the way things are meant to be when you get a break in the mortal world. You especially, Edward. You're the worst of them all when unleashed upon the humans! But I'll get to that after recap."

After me came Esme.

"You were wonderful Esme, darling, but you can't be so compassionate. They get attached. You have to be kind but restricted with your emotions. If a wish doesn't go their way, don't go hugging them and saying you're sorry. Understand?"

Esme nodded indifferently. "Yes."

And last was Jasper. He did nothing wrong; he was just assigned an unfathomable, very difficult case. His next case would be mellow.

After giving the same, laborious speech about our protocol, he gave us a short speech on "breaks" and "vacations" to the mortal world.

Rosalie and I were on probation. We wouldn't be given such breaks until our time was up and our punishment served. Punishment meant we got the harsh cases.

"Edward, you're a quiet devil. You're like a lion. Under the hands of your zoo-keeper, you perform splendidly. Left loose, you cause havoc. Literally! Rosalie is just the same, only ten times as worse and because you two are almost out of probation, I have to warn you about the standard procedures. I don't want you visiting your past masters, and I certainly don't want you disrupting the peace. No getting arrested, no causing uprisings, nothing." He sighed, fanning himself with one of Esme's cushions. "Now for your next assignments." We all stood.

A door opened in the wall closest to us, a shining light revealing a hallway with four different doors. Two on the right, two on the left; Blue and Purple on the right, Green and Red on the left.

"Now, at the end of the hallway there's a card waiting for you on top of your color-stool, indicating your next assignment's name, location, gender, and age along with other pieces of invaluable information. After you have your card, go to your rooms for your wardrobes. Make sure to pick out your wardrobe accordingly to the location so that you don't look out of place."

"We've heard it all before." Rosalie reminded, impatiently tapping her foot. Not that I blame her, having no shoes on and standing about in a tank top and panties.

"Shush, child." Aro sighed. "Now, when you're all done," He pointed to the waiting room at the end of the hallway, "Retrieve your pager and have fun." He smiled, then motioned for us to retrieve our cards.

We were all anxious and excited; however, Rosalie retrieved her card in less than a millisecond. The rest of us just paced over still excited though not as brutal.

"NO! No, no, no, no, no, no!" Rosalie screamed, jumping up and down in pure rage. Aro was gone before she even read it, purposely.

"Oh damn it!" She dry-sobbed. "Why couldn't I get something more pleasant! Boot camp?! Are you kidding me!?" She groaned and retreated to her red door in defeat. "I'll see you guys later." She pouted. Her complaining ceased when she closed the door.

"That was interesting." I commented, grinning.

Jasper shrugged. "I think she brings excitement— a sort of charisma, into these meetings."

"I agree." Esme smiled, retreating to her green door. "Good luck boys, and try to have fun." She whispered in such a motherly and tender voice; we knew she wasn't being sarcastic.

"Well, the faster I'm out of here, the faster I'm back, right?" He smiled. "I'm glad we didn't get therapy today. It was short and sweet, though I guess I have Rose to thank for that."

I nodded. "Yeah, there's a reason for that." I grinned. "He's scared of Rosalie's ugly temper."

Jasper made his way to his door. "Well, who isn't?" He chuckled. "Good luck, bro."

I nodded and made my way to my door, holding on to my card and anticipating the name that it holds. I stood before my cerulean door, mentally preparing myself for what's to come. _Have fun. _

_--_

**What's to come for these four, unsuspecting genies? **

**I'm putting up a vote. What POV should the next chapter be?**

**A. Edward**

**B. Rosalie**

**It's one POV per chapter because they have different assignments. The information about their assignments will be revealed at the beginning of the following 4 chapters. **

**So, vote for which POV you want first, then tell me what you think. Continue or no? Tell me in a review. The more reviews the story receives, the faster the chapters will be posted up. **


	2. Chapter 2: Graceful Frolicking

**Mini Author's Note:**

**I think Edward and Rosalie's assignments are were the funnest to do, but Jasper's is the only one I edited. The others are done, but not checked for spelling mistakes yet. Will update soon. **

**-thestrangeone (mizz)**

**P.S. Any requests for the fiction or suggestions or any of the likes are welcome. It's experimental, so anything that will make it funnier or anything that you, the reader, would like to see within the story, will be welcome and incorporated in. TY for taking the time to read my author's note. **

**Enjoy.**

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_Mary Alice Brandon_

_City: New York City, NY_

_Age: 19_

_Immediate family: Mother, President of Virtuous du femme French female fashion line. Father, Head of Brandon Corporations Inc._

_School: Attending part-time classes at NYU._

_Part-Time Occupation: Dress/Tie designer_

"This isn't so bad," I pursed my bottom lip, putting the card in the back pocket of my pants. "Not as far as I can," I sighed, "tell. I just wish I would have read the card before I decided to go punk-rocker meets homeless hippy look. What's a daughter of the fashion business going to think to see me in torn and worn pants and a white t-shirt?"

It always made me laugh how we would always be transported to bus stops and subway stations after we got ready for our missions. It's not as if we had the extra money to spend, so running would make for a better option. But who can run in NYC? I'd look like a white torpedo breaking through a dark cloud of exhaust and fumes. I shouldn't let this get me down right now; I had too much to worry about.

If I didn't find a job or find my assignment in time, I wouldn't be able to buy new clothes or beers. Or an apartment for that matter, especially in NYC; it's the busiest, and one of the dirtiest, cities in the Northern United States. I think I was petting a cat earlier by the ticket area, only it may have been a rat. Definitely a rat. Cats don't have pink tails and fat, dirty, gray fur.

Now, how do I go about finding this Mary Alice? Aro is ignorant and oblivious with currency. We always complain it's not enough and he always says the same exact thing. "I'll look into it."

I counted the bills and their values, then lay down on the bus stop bench and ran my hand softly through my hair, rubbing my temples. New York City is expensive. No one could possibly survive on $500 dollars. I suppose our fates would have to entwine at one time or another. At least I don't _need_ to eat.

--

_-One week later-_

Whoever said New York wasn't a wilderness of savages is wrong. I tried running at night, only to fall and trip over oxidized trash cans. Don't get me wrong, it didn't hurt. At least not me; my clothes were so dirty and ripped that passing by a shop window or looking at myself in the mirror in those sleazy motel rooms every night became a twinge on my self esteem. My skin looked like milk against white goat cheese with my t-shirt. Good thing I have the sensibility to wash it in the motel bathrooms every night.

I walked through the narrow alleyway and made my way up the sidewalk towards a bar and grill. Want overcomes need. I need this money, but I want a beer. Who knows, maybe some whiskey on rocks too.

Yesterday I got some leads on Mary Alice's mother's company locations, but the closest one is in the outskirts of NYC. The biggest one is in Hamptons, VA. I had two-hundred twenty-two dollars left in my back pocket. Maybe the beer isn't such a good idea, for now. I have to sit down and think for a while. What would Edward or Esme do?

_Let her come to _you_. _

Well, Edward was never the logical type.

_Relax._

Esme, on the other hand, was always the best at giving reasonable advice. I'm not even going to think about what Rosalie would say to me.

_Go **** yourself. _

Rosalie was always more of an angry, tall dwarf than a genie.

**Third Person POV**

Jasper was stumped and out of leads. He was sure it would take an absolute miracle to find one girl in such a large, populous city. He considered trying the phone book, but there were too many Alice's. He didn't know how to call through public phones either, so trying is futile.

He sighed and looked around. He was close to a park, so he decided to call it a day and spend the rest of his last hours of the afternoon grazing in a nice spot underneath an oak tree. What else was there to do?

**Alice's POV**

I desperately tried to hold in the tears. My heel broke in the middle of rush hour traffic; my new line of spring dresses was rejected by Mr. Brandon, A.K.A my stiff of a father. How could he say it wasn't as good as my mother's Autumn collection? Her dresses aren't suitable for anyone under the age of fifty.

I will always be his failure; I'll never amount to anything or measure up to the ghost of my dead sister whom I've never met. The sister who was exactly what father always envisioned; an uncanny, intelligent woman with the face of a runway model and the heart of a lawyer, and she was exactly what mother could never see in me; perfection in absolution, apparently just like her.

So I was short. So I had inky, dark hair that contrasted drastically against my milky, pallid skin. I was not the ideal vision of the head of a major fashion empire, but I was their daughter. I am that no longer.

I sighed. My Java Chip frappuccino was murky coffee water by now. The cream was dissolved and that satisfying hazel-nut aftertaste was replaced with a tart coffee-bean savor.

Things couldn't get worse. I puckered my lips and sighed, trying to blow my hair out of my face without using my hands. I was unsuccessful and instead spilled the murky coffee all over my white overcoat. Great.

I still haven't found the right model for my father's men's clothing campaign, and everything depends upon my doing this right. Who would do it, though? All our candidates have walked away after being five seconds in a conference with my father. He's not such a likeable guy when he means business. I don't even think he likes me. Actually, I know he abhors me.

Where can I find the perfect candidate for this? It doesn't feel right hiring an ex's of mine, though I'm sure some would make the cut. Well, I'm in the park. I might as well enjoy the afternoon and watch the sun set before heading back to my suite. As much as I'm looking forward to a lavender /vanilla oil sponge bath and a glass of red wine, there's nothing more beautiful than twilight. If the sun can have the courage and strength to rise and fall every day, I can afford to have my ups and downs. Of course, the sun is competing against the moon. I'm competing against a ghost.

I removed my stilettos and enjoyed the feeling of my toes rummaging through the soft, warm grass. It sent chilly goose bumps down my spine; I had to close my eyes to favor the moment.

After a few moments of a pleasant spur of the moment org-fest, no pun intended of course, I spun around under the soft warmth of the sun and skies, dropping my purse, un-eaten lunch, portfolios and stilettos to the ground. I would always do this when I was a child. I always felt like I grew up too fast.

My parents think I'm insane and rumor has it that they want to commit me, but so what. Pssh.

I was giggling uncontrollably, spinning until I felt as though I was drunk.

Just then, I heard a soft chuckle. I turned toward a bundle of trees, close to where I had dropped my possessions, and spotted a silhouette.

The nerve. I don't very well appreciate it when people watch me, well, be myself. I was venting! "Excuse me!"

I approached the figure, an obvious bad idea, and reached for my purse for a bottle of body mist. This stuff is deadly for the eyes.

"What the hell is your problem!?" I crouched, trying to get a closer look at the person. When I finally did, I thought I saw a Greek god. Ooohhhh, my…

I kept my guard up nevertheless. He was positioned with his back to an old oak tree, his knees bent and his hands behind his head. He had such gorgeous eyes. I took a close look at what he was wearing. Not much of anything close to presentable. His clothes were dirty and torn.

"I was trying to get some sleep." He whispered, then hesitated, "I didn't mean to disturb you in your fairy frolicking. You're so graceful, it'd be a shame to interrupt you." He stood, then reached for the heaven's in a stretch that lifted his shirt to reveal a perfect abdomen. He was tall. About two feet taller than me. Model material.

He might be homeless though… and his shoes as so worn and dirty…

I was reluctant to react in his presence. I didn't realize I was blushing, nor that I was smiling. I've been called a pixie and a fairy, but never have I been so moved. I felt like a real ballerina, dancing for the wrong crowd. "No, no. You were probably here first, stay." My voice was especially tingling.

He grinned. "You're glowing." He shook his head softly, chuckling.

I shrugged my shoulders, then reached inside my tiny purse. "Wait," I hesitated, grabbing my card and a few hundred dollar bills. "Here."

He raised an eyebrow, unsure of what my actions meant. Typical.

"I'd like it if you gave me a call. I work for a modeling corporation, I mean, for a fashion corp," I smiled, putting on my stilettos, "You'd be perfect. I need you."

I _do_ sound desperate. Oh well; desperate times call for desperate measures.

He frowned. "You don't need to do me any favors."

I tried to smile. "You'd be doing me a favor. I'm Alice, and I'm representing Brandon Corp. Please consider it? You're my only hope."

He looked shocked.

I turned to walk away after forcefully putting the money and card in his ripped pockets, but then I heard him hesitate. "Wait, I'll do it."

I turned around, and looked him in the eyes. "Really?" Life saver. "When can we get together, I mean, to talk about the pay and—"

He ran his perfect hands through his blond locks then walked forward to me. "Do you have dinner plans?"

With my bathtub.

"No."

He smiled. "My treat. Anywhere you like. By the way, here's your money back. I'm not homeless."

I batted my eyelashes and raised my eyebrows, then began laughing. He had trouble understanding my reaction, but threw in a small chuckle to entertain me. Good man.

"We'll need to do something about those clothes of yours…"

--


End file.
